With the noted radio silence from November, it’s safe to say I completely crashed and burned with the NaNoWriMo Challenge I had set up for myself. Work and an overwhelming sense of depression just kicked my ass through the holiday season for 2013 and here I am, chewed up and spit out on the other side. 2014. Lovely.
Work is the primary offender. I know, I know, total #firstworldproblems, boohoo with the tiny violin, be thankful I even have a job and the whole lot of it. But you can’t help what you feel.
In any case, I’m determined to stop the internal whining and just grin and bear it. Work is work. Yes, it is stressful. Yes, I am a workaholic. Yes, I push myself with self imposed long hours to make things work. I’ve accepted that this is who I am but I’m now challenging myself to take the time to take care of *. I’ve had no issues pushing myself beyond reasonable expectations to get things done in my professional life. Why not have that same drive and determination my own personal life?
It’s taken me more than a decade of clawing through the muck to have that one brief intelligent thought. If I don’t live my life, who will?
But like all things, we’ll take baby steps. And hopefully 2014 will see a resolution that finally sticks.
I’m bored. And I tend to get myself in trouble when I’m bored. I hate being bored. But I don’t know how to get out of the rut of being bored. I guess it goes hand in hand with my laziness…. but dang it! I like being lazy. And that doesn’t help the bored part of me. Sigh. What a paradox I’ve become….
So instead of pondering the merits of the cesspool I call my life, let’s look at a boring picture together.
I totally warned you. Boring.
Coming back to the blinking cursor, I can’t help but wonder if this thing is sustainable? Something I’ll be able to carry on to the end of the year? With a pile of discarded drafts from the past year in my wake, I can’t help but think that this will be yet another miserable failure as I try to bring my life back to Ready. Set. so that I can just Go.
But only time will tell.
Will you dare a dance with Lady Fortune?
How many returns can one claim? I ponder this question as I slowly bring myself back into civilization. I quite literally feel as if I’ve been living in some sort of dark cave, slowly peeking out in the brightly lit world wondering what the hell all of this stuff is about?
Packing and moving makes one re-evaluate and take stock of what’s truly important and what we can lay to the wayside. Not that it’s been all that easy to let go. Tons of boxes filled with crap have still managed to follow me through to our final destination and I sit here with boxes and boxes of crap without much else. The Hubby and I must build it all again as most of our ‘big ticket items’, as one of the voices put it, were tossed at the end of 2009 to make us as compact as possible for a trip cross the pond . Of course that never materialized and so we’re left picking up the pieces and wondering why furniture is so difficult to find and so damn expensive.
I’m rambling. Rusty in focusing my thoughts. I wonder if I’ll ever have, make, find or stumble across the time I need to get everything right. As it stands, my life feels like one hastily put together affair with duct tape spilling at the seams.
Pardon my appearance while I try to work it all out.
So it’s been a while. Between life and computer challenges, 2 months have somehow slipped through my fingers.
But not all is lost. Tax returns are oh so sweet and a new computer is on it’s way all the way from little ole China just for me. It hopefully will arrive by Wednesday and then all will be right with the world.
And just in time for my trip to Beijing.
Cue the sigh of relief.
Only 2 more days… I can’t wait for my new toy.
Dear Toy Makers,
Please make this into a toy so that I may buy it….
PS – Found via Joseph.